i wrote this not long ago in the middle of the night when i couldn't sleep. in my sleeplessness God was working things out in me while i was writing. He does that ...
"its crazy. some days i can't move. some days i feel like my knees
are going to collapse under me. i lay on my face and plead with God
to give us another baby. i totally can see hannah praying in the
temple... looking drunk because of her pain. i know that feeling. i
just never knew what grief like this felt like. i feel like my heart
was ripped in two and God is literally sewing me back together. but
somewhere in the background there's always this constant grace...
peace that i know is trying to burst through in full force if i'll
let it... the calm of God... him saying that its going to be ok...
that His timing is perfect. its a rollercoaster. i'm distressed
completely one minute then the next God has quieted my soul. i feel
like i'm sitting in his lap coming apart. and he's holding me