Wednesday, October 29, 2008

where to start.

wow. who knows where the road will go, who knows how long the path will be. 

its so easy to start a journey thinking that you know what it will look like... to a degree, maybe not the whole thing, but generally you think that you see what it will turn out like. i think that its partly what we want to see and what God has put in our hearts. the hard part it understanding that God has our lives planned, mapped, knows a word before we speak it, sees us sleeping and eating and working... every moment He knows. 

i think that today i'm remembering mostly that God is on our side. He is for us. He is for me. 

so matty and i are in the middle of trying for and waiting for our next bub. the road is certainly longer than we expected, though not that long in perspective. i know that others wait longer... it just feels long no matter how you look at it. my heart breaks for the people in our lives and everywhere that have been waiting years to fall pregnant for the first time or again... its such a painful journey. 

we're definitely in the middle of it still: right in the midst of it. 

we're making some steps toward some things that are in our hearts right now... so there's more on that to come soon. God is doing things in us, prompting us to put our hands to the things that we can do right now in the waiting room.... 

there's so many emotions involved in this. random days that feel sad and days that are great... and everything in between, but most importantly ... life is still happening all around us... we still have life to do, and do it well. 

this entry is a bit random i know... 

more to come... 

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

{Looking to the Future}

Sometimes when the present is seemingly overwhelming all we can do is look to the future. I'm still in this place where the days aren't very easy and understanding fully is so far from my head, where there's not answers, and trusting God costs my heart and yet there is peace that really does surpass all my understanding. I'm not really sure if its just the hurt in my heart burying down deep in these months and my heart really grieving the loss... or grieving it in a different way. Its crazy how life really does go on, and while everyone else has moved on i'm still in this place... to me it hasn't been that long since i held max in my arms and its been ages to everyone else. It sort of feels as though i've been singing a song over and over for months on end.... but i'm looking toward the future... because there is such a great hope... 

"See! The winter is past, the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit, the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come my darling; my beautiful one, come with me. " Song of Songs 2:11-13