Wednesday, October 29, 2008

where to start.

wow. who knows where the road will go, who knows how long the path will be. 

its so easy to start a journey thinking that you know what it will look like... to a degree, maybe not the whole thing, but generally you think that you see what it will turn out like. i think that its partly what we want to see and what God has put in our hearts. the hard part it understanding that God has our lives planned, mapped, knows a word before we speak it, sees us sleeping and eating and working... every moment He knows. 

i think that today i'm remembering mostly that God is on our side. He is for us. He is for me. 

so matty and i are in the middle of trying for and waiting for our next bub. the road is certainly longer than we expected, though not that long in perspective. i know that others wait longer... it just feels long no matter how you look at it. my heart breaks for the people in our lives and everywhere that have been waiting years to fall pregnant for the first time or again... its such a painful journey. 

we're definitely in the middle of it still: right in the midst of it. 

we're making some steps toward some things that are in our hearts right now... so there's more on that to come soon. God is doing things in us, prompting us to put our hands to the things that we can do right now in the waiting room.... 

there's so many emotions involved in this. random days that feel sad and days that are great... and everything in between, but most importantly ... life is still happening all around us... we still have life to do, and do it well. 

this entry is a bit random i know... 

more to come... 


Tamatha said...

I like your "random" thoughts. Thanks for being so transparent. It encourages me to also do so. My blog has been mostly surface stuff...not too close to my heart. But...I want it to be so much more.

bringer of joy said...

Hi Jill,
I was told to read your blog cos altho i did not face a loss as great as yours, i faced a loss that i tot was promised by God.

How do you get through all this. how do you turn to God again? I feel so betrayed by Him, the one who said He would protect me. The one who said that He knows what's best for me and yet sent me someone who has now betrayed me and hurt me instead.

I call out for his vindication, but I dont see it. I feel like David in hiding while saul pursued him. I feel like Jacob, thrown in the pit and sold as a slave and later thrown in the prison.

I cannot reach out to God although i know i should, cos apart from Him there's no one else.

How can you trust God after what He did? He took Max away after allowing you to carry him and letting you believe that all is good.

Dont you question it? how do you deal with all the doubts?