Monday, July 14, 2008

maxs story

I had the first of the mccloghry offspring... Max Kingston McCloghry. On February 27. He was amazing... perfect... little toes and fingers... all put together... woven & spun by the master creator. He just came early. I was only 23 weeks and 5 days pregnant, which is basically 6 months in translated prego lingo, and i went into labour on tuesday really late , i guess really wednesday morning sometime around 1 or 2 am, only i didn’t know i was going into labour so i toughed it out all night thinking it was what they call braxton hicks which are like practice contractions... but they weren’t. i even got up the next morning and went to work, caught the ferry, actually, ran for the ferry because i was running late... i called the midwife and she said just come in just in case, even though she thought it was braxton hicks too. so i caught a ferry back home. got home and realized it was getting really painful... called matty, who called me a cab because he was to far and it would have taken him longer to get home... and i realised it was getting REALLY painful and called and ambulance who arrive in what seemed like and eternity and carried me down the 2 flights of stairs in our apt building and drove me to my hospital which thank God happened to be the closest. they wheeled me straight into labour and delivery where the doctor said the baby was breech (which means he was butt first and not head first - their supposed to be head first) and she said i was 9 cm dialated... you dialate to 10 before having the baby... and i had the baby with in 20 minutes of getting to the hospital. Max was 720gms and 30cm long... ie... almost 1 !/4 lbs and about a foot long. 

He was beautiful. As soon as he was born the doctors inflated his lungs and got him stable and let us say hello and then whisked him off to the neonatel ICU. I recovered for as short of time as possible and went over straight away with matty to see him.

He basically was perfectly healthy and growing well in the womb and for some reason just came early. We’re not even sure medically if there’s a reason. We spent from 1205pm midday on the 27 of Feb with him until that night at 1025pm when he went to be with Jesus. We were sitting there and and held him for 2 hours or so while he was still breathing just staring at him and adoring him and the nurse told us there was nothing else they could do, and asked if we wanted to hold him and have her take out his life support and we decided thats what we would do... So i held him and matty held me while my little max took his last breath in our arms. 

i’m not sure if there’s any feeling worse than that. 

There’s a few things that i know though. I know that God is on the throne. That Jesus is reigning and Ruling and the Holy Spirit is our comfort. I know that GOd is bigger than max’s lungs being to little to breath correctly because He made every bit of his little body. I know that God had/has the power to heal rescue and save. I know that I would rather have what He chooses than anything else. I know that the enemy must restore what he’s taken. I know that God is holding my little max and he’s raised by angels and walking with Jesus and matty and i will see him again and hold him one day. and i know that just as God could have healed Max, little maxy is healed to perfection now walking in heaven in his glorious new little body and God is healing and rescuing me and matty. i know i love God more than ever before, and i trust Him more than ever before and i know that i love my amazing and strong husband more than i knew i could love and person in the world and i love him deeper. and i know there’s many more little bubs to come to our family, and we’ll tell them all about Max and Jesus and Glory. 

We believe that what the enemy has intended to break and destroy us and our hearts, God is going to use for good. We believe that our hearts are truly secure and not shaken because we believe in a Holy God who we KNOW loves us. Death was defeated at the cross of Christ and there is Hope beyond what this world sees as the end. This isn’t the end for us, just a road bump until we see our little boy again. 

Pray for us because this is a crazy hard time, and we’re just working through it day by day... pray that we’ll have strength and courage to walk back into what life consists of... work and "normal" things that won’t ever be like they were before this...Pray that we will be encouraged and always looking to the Hope that called us before time began.


mimou said...

God be with you - so sorry for your loss. May He comfort you!Thank you for sharing your story. Mimosa

love_never_fails said...

Hey jill.
i was just reading this entry and my heart was literally breaking. your testimony hits close to home for me. I was born premature as well. My mother did not even complete six months, February 25, 1990. My mom always tells me how much of a miracle baby I was and how God really came through for her. But, i guess it never really hit home for me until now. I was born in India, in a small rural village so at the time my moms family didn't have any cameras or anything to take pictures. I have NO idea what i looked like or anything. But seeing the pictures of max and how small and precious he looks, i can truely see how God worked a miracle in my life. I'm seriously on the verge of tears because GOD IS SO GOOD! your testimony, your faith, and your courage is such a inspiration to me. The way you still continue to praise HIS name after such a horrible experience, i am SO SURE that God will honor you for that. I look into my own life and see how many things i take for granted and how i make the biggest deal of the smallest things that don't go my way. I believe that God has a plan and purpose for every thing, and I just wanted to tell you that Your testimony has touched me and made me truely want to praise God for everything he has done in my life, and bringing me thus far! I will keep you in my prayers. OUR GOD IS THE GOD WHO PROVIDES! I am confident that your faith will be rewarded :-) He is able to do more than anything we could ever ask for. I believe that with all of my heart and I hope everything works out for you! God bless!

Larissa Pereira said...

I had watched "This is our God" dvd and it's different and special to me see your story by another point.

Jill, more than take care about you God will give you new chances to declare He is great!

I'm praying for you!
God bless!

Larissa Pereira (from Brazil)

n-j-love said...

Hi Jill.. Thanks so much for your blog, I started reading it when I became pregnant. We lost our first little baby yesterday, he stopped growing at 7 weeks and we found this out at our 12 week ultra sound. We were very devastated but God has been so good to us, his grace and prescence has been surrounding us where we go, giving us strength. We know that we can get through this with Jesus by our side. We named our little baby Benjamin, which means seated at the right hand of the throne, which is where he is right now with Jesus. We cannot wait to meet him one day in heaven, but we know that he is in the best of care.

Have a Merry Christmas with your new little family, I pray that God would bless you all as you start this new stage in your lives.

Much love

Jo x

faithlor said...

Hello Jill,

I think that you're testimony is altogether touching, beautiful & sad.
Thank you for sharing this with us!
But all in all, its great that you continued to believe and trust in the Lord. I wish you and your family the best and congrats on your little girl! May God continue blessing you in every way. Take care now & God bless.

--Faith Lor