Sunday, March 13, 2011

the victory blog.

well. i was wondering when i would FINALLY get my head in a space to write something making some sort of sense that was more than a couple sentences long... and here i am at 1130pm on a sunday evening with the NSW road works team hard at work outside my door on the road in front of our house... lights and jackhammers blaring at full brightness and volume... guess God was gonna find a way to keep me up somehow. looks like this is it.

JOKING. that actually is the scene outside my window, but my heart has been stirring to write. i still feel like im in the 'new baby bubble'... really still in shock that my little answer to prayer/miracle/victory baby is in my arms... and that she is safe and sound...thriving...perfect to me in every way. reflecting on the last few years of life seemed almost to painful at first... i couldn't figure out why... and then i realised, having Maizey here is like holding your breath until you are almost passing out and then getting that saving breath. i just took that breath with her.

SO here are the stats.



She's my living breathing gorgeous little reminder that God is so faithful. that after 3 years of waiting God knew my every day cry for a baby of my own again, and He was so faithful in placing each moment of our story so far together. Every day with Haylee was mapped out in His perfect plan, and knowing that if I would have had my way and been pregnant any sooner, we may not have had haylee in our world, is just one more reminder of His faithfulness. He has been so good to us in every moment of every season so far... unchanging in His love... unwavering in His quest to see the very best for us... knowing what taking in haylee would do for our hearts and how we would grow and knowing how to stretch us to be more like Him. I feel like i'm deep in the river right now... a stone underneath the waters being smoothed over and crafted to His design... and while my edges rough and ragged must be washed over by His strong currents the result is so worth the wearing down. I can see how much farther to go ... i know that this side of eternity we will be always crafted and refined by the Maker... but now i love the process, however hard and trying. Its amazing how God does that... teaches us to love his crafting, and in seasons where we've walked through a valley, teaches us to see His faithfulness. He is always so close...EMMANUEL.

i could go on and on. i'm walking on air. my miracle is here and i could stare at her all day every day. Thankfulness overwhelms me. i find myself so aware and with those on my heart that are walking in a season like i've been in... and praying that God would give them the grace to keep walking in the most trying of days... and in His mercy carry them on the days when walking comes to crawling comes to exhaustion. All of those feelings and hurts are so real in the valley... BUT... victory is coming... it always does... not always in our timing or plan... but God is faithful and victorious. He is on our side.

i feel like half of me is typing in baby brain... half in normality...but it is now midnight... and my eyes are feeling heavy. i'm so glad i finally could sit and type a little. more to come. this journey is just beginning...

here's some photos :::::

the day maizey was born::

a week or so old:::


with one happy papa:::

just a few more :::




12 comments:

Wendy Delfosse said...

So beautiful--both your gorgeous daughter and the amazing victories God has brought. Your story has encouraged so many, and I love seeing you write from the other side of that valley.

KV said...

This is so encouraging and what I needed to hear right this very moment! I am six weeks pregnant and after two miscarriages already, I am clinging to God for His shalom. Both times we have miscarried at 7 weeks (chromosome problem), so we are coming up to it now and I am declaring Psalm 139 every day.
As I said to you last year on the final night of the Colour Conference - thank you for your beautiful voice and for sharing your journey.

Jen said...

oh Jill... So glad to see your words again. God is so faithful and good. Love to you... Colour is in 3 sleeps... Squee!! ;)

Previ said...

I said I'd post a comment here a few months ago... So I'm here!
My name is Roberta, I'm Carioca and I have to say that you are a miracle, girl! I've lived miracles in my life also and I love to hear about what Jesus does in other lives when these histories are similar to mine...
I say this because I lived a miracle in my body related to "reproductive system"... No, I am not a mum yet, haha But Jesus made a miracle in my life that is valid for all my days in this world... Like your history of miracle, no? Yeah, because Maizey is a proof of your miracle that will endures for all your days in this world!
Sorry for my particular English, hahah I hope to speak as you all speak in Australia!!!
I wish the love, wisdom and peace of God for you and your husband and I wish that Maizey be hands and feet of Jesus Christ in this earth...

Hugs from Rio de Janeiro...

Vik Mone said...

You have gorgeous child!God can late but never forget his people. ( your story is like "Desert song" or Job from the Bible). My mam had the same story like yours.She was lost baby boy and after 2 years she had me.I was forget this and I was think, she didn`t loves me.But you story halp me to understand my mam and realize what she was pass thru and how mach she loves me. God bless you.Let God love be with you. x

Lindserannie said...

She is beautiful and precious and I'm truly happy for all three of you.

anina said...

so blessed to read about your amazing blessing!

true what wendy d. said that your story and your testimony of faith has been so encouraging. also agree and so ABSOLUTELY blessed to hear and see through your life how God sweeps us out of the valley, and that He is ALWAYS with us.

God bless your cute little family <3!

Amanda Chapman said...

I love that I stumbled across your blog after having heard your story back when Desert Song came out. You're an incredible woman. It's amazing how you are so passionate for God even after all these hardships. I feel like I have a connection with you... I haven't lost a child, but I know what it's like to pray for one and for God to provide a perfect little answer. My baby girl was born December 7th also! (2009). Her name is Maecie Joy. Anyway, thanks for your encouragement and inspiration!

Jill said...

jill! thank you for writing again! We have a mutual friend, b chaney, and she told me about you a while ago. We lived in Maui together. During our time there my brother took his own life. It was by far the darkest time in my life. But God carried me so close to His heart..i learned where there's deep pain, there's deep Jesus. About 2 years later, I started reading your blog. I had tears flowing. it was as if someone understood the pain/confusion/the sacrifice of praise. Now I'm married to the most amazing man with a son & a daughter & another on the way. My heart is overflowing. God is SO good...sounds like an understatement, right? Keep on writing b/c I love it! ok, that was a lot...enjoy Maizey, she's perfect! xx

jadeandwillow said...

Your life, your testimony, everything is so encouraging & uplifting! Even though I am oceans away, we are sisters in Christ and I absolutely needed to hear your words of wisdom! Thank you & please continue writing :))

jadeandwillow said...

Your life, your testimony, everything is so encouraging & uplifting! Even though I am oceans away, we are sisters in Christ and I absolutely needed to hear your words of wisdom! Thank you & please continue writing :))

KarinKnapp said...

Jill, it has been a while since I've checked in on you and your journey.. I always regret not reading your blogs and updates more often, because they are inspiring, encouraging and an incredible testimony of God's faithfulness. I know I am late, but I just want to congratulate you on little Maizey. So very happy for you. Blessings!! Karin