Tuesday, December 2, 2008

9 months...

My little Max has been enjoying heaven for a few days over nine months now. I find myself thinking today... what must it be like... how amazing the sights he must see...  my son walking with Jesus knowing nothing but joy and peace, never feeling pain or sorrow. 

Something about today, it resounds... the greatness of God. He's protected Max from all the things in this world that could have hurt him or broken him. While I would give anything to love him in my arms, God has got that taken care of and I'm here loving him in my heart. Max is knowing God deeper than I'll ever know him this side of heaven, and while i have my days of brokeness and confusion and hurt, God is doing so much more than I can see. He is truly weaving through Matty's and my life a cord of complete trust in our Saviour. 

I've spend a lot of time in the past couple weeks with God trying to letting the pain and the things that are weighing on my heart be worked out by the one who created my heart. I'm still so very much in the middle of that process, but one thing i've learned so far... nothing i've felt or experienced is out of His understanding or reach, no hurt to strong to scare Him away... He sits with me, talks with me... lets me say the things that i don't understand and He LOVES me. 

i love our Saviour. Jesus. Emmanuel. Holy Spirit... Father. He is so good. 


Elisabel said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jenn Mitchell said...

Jill, I stumbled across your blog today. I listened/watched your story about singing Desert Song after baby Max went to glory and just wanted to give you a word of encouragement. I live in Illinois in the U.S. My hubby and I have been married 10 years and have not had the joy of pregnancy, nor have we known your sorrow. I, like you, have cried, begged, prayed, even demanded answers. Even though we've had different experiences, I think we've known similar pain, and I can testify that God sustained me, God held me, and God loved me through these past 10 years. I'm on the other side of the hardest part now. I am a witness: God will never leave you. Isn't He amazing? I'm so sorry for your loss, and I will pray for your healing knowing God is the God who provides. My sincerest prayers to you. Christmas may be hard. It is for me. Lean on your friends and surrender it all to Emmanuel. (((Hugs)))

Candice said...

Jill, although I have never met you and chances are I never will, I just want to say that God has used you to touch my life and for that I am so thankful. Your testimony of praising God through the lowest of times simply because of who He is compels me to look to him through my difficulties. Even this blog post of how much you adore God brings me great delight. I can truly see how much you are punch drunk in love with our Savior and it makes me want to praise him with you. May God continue to bless you and pour out his anointing on your music. Fight on!

karem Alarcón said...

...He who began a Good work in you Hill continue until
the day of Jesús Christ developing and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you
Philippians 1:6

rayn said...


Jess Roberts said...

Hi Jill,

came across your blog after watching the desert documentary. we lost our little boy in september 08. totally resonate with the journey. thank you so so much for the rawness. praying that God would answer your hearts cry.
Jess xxoo

alittletasteofaloha said...

Thanks Jill for sharing your life story and being open about your walk with Christ. The Desert Song has ministered to me in my present circumstance(s). I heard about your story from one of our worship leaders and when I watched the commentary you made about this song you had me in tears to know by what you were saying that no matter what season we're in, He's still God. I too have lost a son about 14 years ago but have taken comfort that I'll see him again. And also that He's no longer in pain or suffering. He's saying, "heaven's even better than you talked about, press on!" Thanks again and God continue to Bless you.

Pastor Stu said...

Jill, what amazing power there is in your courage to share your struggle so openly. I believe it is building the church and the Kingdom as people relate with you and press into God in troubled times. I played your testimony about your Max to our worship team last week, and it inspired us all to keep on choosing to worship our Lord, no matter what is happening. Bless you heaps. Stu

Anonymous said...

Jill, I stumbled across your blog today and was so touched by the words you shared. Thank you :]

I'm glad God is using you to touch the lives of others.

These words are providing me with much comfort, knowing that I am not the only person going through grief or heartbrokeness, confusion, pain, or what have you.

I am feeling so encouraged and loved by our Father today.

Stay blessed. You are a wonderful creation.

Love from Canada :]