i have begged God. pleaded with Him for the things that are seemingly consuming my heart right now. i've sat before Him in quiet, i've come before him with a shout of praise... and yet most of these last months have been filled with a deafening silence.
not the kind that is empty, but silence that is full of Him and somehow leaves me knowing that He isn't speaking, His prescence in this season is rarely felt tangibly, but i know He's there. i just don't understand. it feels like he should answer me, answer my cries with a roaring thunder, or something... anything... but instead, this quiet. its so hard to describe, because he's so far and still so close. there are times so unexpected when i feel the fire of God in my mouth... the Spirit of God burning within my throat... and then times like today when everything in my is crying out... trying to figure out why he isn't answering my requests with something... anything... and... silence. i don't get it. to be completely honest, parts of me want to give up, to just run and hide somewhere, to close the shades and pull the covers over my head and hide in the darkness for weeks... months... BUT... something in my soul knows that God is speaking in the silence - and the passions so deep within that have tasted and seen that God is good are parched and crying out for this quiet God and anything of His prescence that comes is worth holding out for, waiting for... staying in the light for.
i've done nothing today... and i'm exhausted... my spirit is tired... and i'm warring against all the things in me telling me to give up and lie down and let depression set in... but my soul finds rest in God alone... {psalm 62:1}... my salvation is in Him. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.
from isaiah 40 - the message.
9-11Climb a high mountain, Zion.
You're the preacher of good news.
Raise your voice. Make it good and loud, Jerusalem.
You're the preacher of good news.
Speak loud and clear. Don't be timid!
Tell the cities of Judah,
"Look! Your God!"
Look at him! God, the Master, comes in power,
ready to go into action.
He is going to pay back his enemies
and reward those who have loved him.
Like a shepherd, he will care for his flock,
gathering the lambs in his arms,
Hugging them as he carries them,
leading the nursing ewes to good pasture.
The Creator of All You Can See or Imagine
12-17Who has scooped up the ocean
in his two hands,
or measured the sky between his thumb and little finger,
Who has put all the earth's dirt in one of his baskets,
weighed each mountain and hill?
Who could ever have told God what to do
or taught him his business?
What expert would he have gone to for advice,
what school would he attend to learn justice?
What god do you suppose might have taught him what he knows,
showed him how things work?
Why, the nations are but a drop in a bucket,
a mere smudge on a window.
Watch him sweep up the islands
like so much dust off the floor!
There aren't enough trees in Lebanon
nor enough animals in those vast forests
to furnish adequate fuel and offerings for his worship.
All the nations add up to simply nothing before him—
less than nothing is more like it. A minus.
18-20So who even comes close to being like God?
To whom or what can you compare him?
Some no-god idol? Ridiculous!
It's made in a workshop, cast in bronze,
Given a thin veneer of gold,
and draped with silver filigree.
Or, perhaps someone will select a fine wood—
olive wood, say—that won't rot,
Then hire a woodcarver to make a no-god,
giving special care to its base so it won't tip over!
21-24Have you not been paying attention?
Have you not been listening?
Haven't you heard these stories all your life?
Don't you understand the foundation of all things?
God sits high above the round ball of earth.
The people look like mere ants.
He stretches out the skies like a canvas—
yes, like a tent canvas to live under.
He ignores what all the princes say and do.
The rulers of the earth count for nothing.
Princes and rulers don't amount to much.
Like seeds barely rooted, just sprouted,
They shrivel when God blows on them.
Like flecks of chaff, they're gone with the wind.
25-26"So—who is like me?
Who holds a candle to me?" says The Holy.
Look at the night skies:
Who do you think made all this?
Who marches this army of stars out each night,
counts them off, calls each by name
—so magnificent! so powerful!—
and never overlooks a single one?
27-31Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
"God has lost track of me.
He doesn't care what happens to me"?
Don't you know anything? Haven't you been listening?
God doesn't come and go. God lasts.
He's Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn't get tired out, doesn't pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.
But those who wait upon God get fresh strength.
They spread their wings and soar like eagles,
They run and don't get tired,
they walk and don't lag behind.
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