the Spirit hovers.

on this beautiful monday morning i have been arrested by hope, once again. As i flipped open the thin almost transparent paper of my leather bound bible, i couldn't even make it past the first couple verses-of the first chapter-of the first book. Something in my heart prompted me as i opened the Book of books, to take the title page-index page-so on page by page until i ended up at Genesis 1:1 and began reading. When i say it arrested me, i mean in that way that my whole being was absolutely overtaken by the beauty of His word for us. Weeping in my large white arm chair i have realised once again this morning the hope He extends to each of us.

i'll begin with you were i started not much earlier this day:

Genesis 1:1-2
'The Beginning"

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless & empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep & the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters."

I don't know how to convey what God did in my heart, to translate it off the pages of my journal to this post:: so i'm going to give you the words straight off the page of my journal:: please understand that i don't ever do this lightly... as the words that happen in the pages of my journal are the closest parts of my heart:: I hope that it somehow reaches you the way He reached me this morning::


::::::::::God-the absolute beauty that there was nothing, and you were there, in an earth that was unformed : barren : desolate : empty : Your beautiful Spirit was hovering ... You were THERE my beautiful God... out of nothing you created. I look at the beauty of this earth - every flower and tree, the vast expanse of the ocean and I am so overwhelmed that in Your glorious & wonderful imagination You formed all that i see. My whole being springs to joy & life; knowing that even in the seemingly barreness of my womb Your Spirit is hovering_waiting_to create... You are imagining the child that is to come, with Your wild and beautiful imagination, You ARE creating_TRULY_You make the barren woman sing_You bring Life_and healing.:::::::::::::::


Something about this verse - i just saw the pieces of my soul - where i am waiting for all these dreams - that even where it seems empty and unformed and just a dream - that the Spirit is hovering... creating... and the expanse of what He can create is ENDLESS... BOUNDLESS...

and i feel He is saying to us this morning:::

I AM HOVERING ...master of a craft .. an artist with brush in hand ... dreaming up the glorious thing(s) that i am about to create... don't underestimate that I know no bounds...


well:: baby is awake :: i can hear little squeals of delight coming from the nursery so i'm off :-)
:::::::

love xx jilly

.well hello old friends. its been to long.

well... in light of the fact that it has been about a bazzzzilllliooonnnn years since i have posted anything on this blog... yeah, well its about time. I suppose that i just needed to "move on" in the sense that i just had to keep myself from dwelling and just get on with living and loving God and life and everything that is amazing about the world that God has put me in. Don't get me wrong, pretty much every day is filled with thoughts of our precious Max... actually i've had dreams, and call me crazy, but full on moments where the grace of God gave me special well, moments, with my Max... so he has NEVER been even close to being far from thought... but hopefully you know what i mean by getting on with life. anyhow. that said, its been in my heart to start up a bit of a blog about the journey. especially considering the current times... and our growing family...
please excuse the fact that i hardly ever capitalize anything, as well as frequently jump from aussie to american english. it, in fact, is the nature of the fact that i grew up american and now am officially a permanent resident of australia. *but will forever be an american at heart* sigh*i love america* to give an update on the past months, well, i'll just do my best ! We are in fact parents. i know right... WHOA! So let me explain.. huey: is 6 months old and is our handsome golden retriever. He gives the most slobbery kisses in the world. i love him xx

now our second child will need a little explaining.. but i can't actually explain anything. so bear with me. We had it on our hearts to become foster carers. So after a lot of prayer, meetings, courses, and assesments, we were approved as short term carers... phew. Then one day, at 3pm, we got a call from the agency, and they dropped off the most beautiful/stunning/sweet/baby bundle i have ever seen at our door at 5pm. so INSTANT mommyhood. Now... yes i was unbelievably overwhelmed with love and excitement for this precious girl. and also, as i closed the door, overwhelmed with and OHMYGOSH moment... as in... i have never been a mommy at home before...with a baby... all by myself... i mean... i've been a nanny... i know the basics... but OHMYGOSH... i'm totally in charge... WHOA! Our princess was 11weeks old when she came and now shes just turning 6mths. We are in heaven. I have no idea how long we will have her...who knows... ? God knows. And she has an amazing Father in heaven that knows exactly what she needs and when. So we are trusting... trusting God with our hearts as we love unconditionally, and trusting him with this beautiful girl who's in our lives. *no pics allowed at this point* :) although i would LOVE to show you how absolutely beautiful she is!!

Its a beautiful place to be. just trusting. i'm sensing this is a theme. God is really teaching us thoroughly. and i'm SO glad. so. thats all for now. just an update. love x jilly

breeeeezy.

ahhh i LOVE the cool breeze blowing off the harbour this morning. It felt so nice waking up to it and snuggling under the doona one last time this morning after pushing snooze... 

there's nothing like the feeling of something refreshing :: a cool breeze after a hot summer, a huge glass of cold water after a run (not that running happens often in my life unless someones chasing me... ha!), diving into a swimming pool after a sunbake... you know what i mean... 

those examples all sound so frivolous in light of the following excerpt, but never the less they are what we relate to in our corner of the world that we live in... we are so blessed to enjoy the things we do... 

Refreshing:::::::::: (as from merriam-webster.com)

Main Entry: re-fresh-ing

Function: adjective

Date: circa 1580

: serving to refresh; especially : agreeably stimulationg because of freshness or newness refreshing change of pace >

it was refreshing to read some good news this morning... in the Autumn 2009 Compassion Magazine there was a Q&A with Dr Laurent Mbanda about his home country and the story of the the Rwandan genocide. When asked 'How has the country changed?', he replies::

"Rwanda has had an amazing recovery and extraordinary progress since the genocide, on many fronts, but especially in the fight against poverty. Rwanda's economic growth rate of over 10 percent a year is an unbelievable success story. It has the highest number of female leaders of any parliament in the world; the country enjoys peace, security throughout and visionary leadership. It is a story of success and model of good governance in the region. Reconciliation is taking hold, the country and people are turning to the Lord. Rwanda is a country committed to "never again genocide in Rwanda". 

*

the movements of your heart

GOOOOOOD MORNING! 

I was just reading this morning from "The Ransomed Heart" ... its a collection of devotional readings from the best selling works of John Eldredge and was LOVING this chunk of one of his books... 

The Movements of Your Heart

All sorts of awful things can seem to issue from your heart – anger, lust, fear petty jealousies. If you think it’s you, a reflection of what’s really going on in your heart, it will disable you. It could stop your journey dead in its tracks. What you’ve encountered is either the voice of your flesh or an attempt of the Enemy to distress you by throwing all sorts of thoughts your way and blaming you for it. You must proceed on this assumption: your heart is good. If it seems that some foul thing is at work there, say to yourself, Well then – this is not my heart. My heart is good, I reject this. Remember Paul in Romans 7? This is not me. This is not me. And carry on in your journey. Over time you’ll grow familiar with the movements of your heart, and who is trying to influence you there.

            We do the same with any counsel or word that presents itself as being from God, but contradicts what he has said to us in his written Word. We walk with wisdom and revelation. When I hear something that seems really unwise, I test it again and again before I launch out. The flesh will try to use your “freedom” to get you to do things you shouldn’t do. And now that the Enemy knows you are trying to walk with God and tune in to your heart, he’ll play the ventriloquist and try to deceive you there. Any “word” or suggestion that brings discouragement, condemnation, accusation = that is not from God. Neither is confusion, nor any counsel that would lead you to disobey what you do know. Reject it all, and carry on in your journey. Yes, of course, God needs to convict us of sin, warn us of wrong movements in our soul – but the voice of God is never condemning (Romans 8:1), never harsh or accusing. His conviction brings a desire for repentance; Satan’s accusation kills our hearts (2 Corinthians 7:10).            

(Waking the Dead, 105-6)

 

happy new year::

So, I realise that it is not actually the new year ... i.e. it did not just turn 2009...but for me... its a new year. February 27 has passed and one year has gone by since my precious little Maxy was taken to glory... we had a super fun birthday party for him and celebrated his life... and it was amazing... and we had yummy cake too! 

I'm looking back on this last year and realise the beautiful things God has been doing. He has been so merciful in letting me pour my heart out, (sometimes in the most un-graceful sort of ways!) and I feel as though I've been more than ever before the throne of grace "just as i am". So here's the thing: It has been a year and I don't want to be the same person this year that I was last year. I won't let the Enemy keep me down or win in ANY way when it comes to depression or disengagement... so I'm just saying... this year is going to be different. I'm making the choice... I'm stepping in line with Jesus and what he did on the cross and believing that by HIS stripes I am mended and healed! He is the restorer of my heart and i know that what He's been doing in me in this last year has all culminated to this time that I now have to stand up again and begin to take steps and choose to not shrink back but move forward in all that God is laying out... and know that He is lighting the path for every step.

I have an amazing God, and amazing husband, an amazing family, an amazing church, amazing friends...  so as you can see... life is amazing! My little Max is up in heaven and he's cheering Matty and I on because he is experiencing the glory of God, his glorious presence face to face, and he knows now fully what we only see in part... (I can't wait to be there too-in Gods timing of course ha!!) I still miss him so much, but shivers, I can't live in that moment that happened a year ago forever - all I can do is love the beautiful time I had with Max and carry it with me as pure joy... and let God continue healing the rest.

Ahhh... *breathing out*... Its so good to let the weight of it all go. I didn't think I could ever get here... and here I am. I know there will still be sad days, or minutes or whatever, but this is a new year... and I'm SO looking forward to it... i love my Max more than ever and can't wait Max's little brother or sister... whenever God is ready for us to have them... :) 

just some thoughts of today... ::